


true american

by ghosthunter



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, being heckled mercilessly by hot wives, crack treated not at all seriously, jello wrestling, mentions of actual children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosthunter/pseuds/ghosthunter
Summary: “No holding anyone’s face in the jello,” Gina says. “Nobody’s suffocating today. You have children.”





	true american

**Author's Note:**

> this is a birthday present. everyone deserves something fun for their birthday and this happens to be incredibly stupid and i hope that you enjoy it.
> 
> (thanks to jarka for beta as always.)

It starts when they’re deciding what day they’ll have the cup.

Or, it starts when they win the cup.

Or, it starts when TJ gets traded to the Capitals.

Maybe it starts in Sochi, with the shootout.

Somewhere along the way, it got started. It’s not even like TJ and John are the only Americans on the team. It’s just that they bring out the worst in each other about it.

Naturally, both of them want the cup for Independence Day, and it’s not something that a game of rock paper scissors is going to solve.

“Arm wrestling,” John suggests.

“No, that’s bad for my shoulder,” TJ says. “Soap hockey.”

“No, what the fuck, we can’t play soap hockey one on one,” John says.

“We could get some of the other guys,” TJ says.

“Most of them have left the country, Teej,” John says. He doesn’t even have his eyes open, floating on a raft in TJ’s pool.

“We both have friends,” TJ says. “Gina can play goalie for you.”

“No,” Gina says from her lounge chair.

“Jello wrestling,” John says.

“Wait, seriously?” TJ says.

“No, not seriously,” John says.

They end up with a blow up baby pool full of jello. It’s red jello because it has to be red jello. 

(“That’s gonna stain your skin,” Lauren says, standing behind them in the kitchen while John and TJ work through the instructions on an industrial batch of Jello For Jello Wrestling, Specifically.

“It’s not supposed to stain,” TJ says. “Says on the package.” Lauren rolls her eyes and leaves the kitchen.)

They fill the baby pool with jello, and they strip down to their swim shorts. John’s kids are with Gina’s family, and TJ has made sure his kids are out for the day, but Lauren has told them there’s no way she’s missing whatever shit show this is about to be. She makes cocktails for both herself and Gina and they sit on lounge chairs a respectable distance from the baby pool.

“Rules,” TJ says.

“Wrestle until one of us yells for help,” John says. TJ makes a face. Both women also make faces, and Lauren sighs and puts her cocktail down. Someone’s going to have to drive their pet idiots to the hospital after they hurt themselves, and it might as well be her, since it was her idiot who bought the jello.

“No holding anyone’s face in the jello,” Gina says. “Nobody’s suffocating today. You have children.”

“No biting, no scratching,” Lauren says.

“Does he bite?” John asks, looking over at the women.

Lauren shrugs. “Don’t trust him,” she says.

“Oh come on!” TJ yells.

“Nothing below the belt,” Gina says.

“It’s wrestling, I have to be able to hold his legs,” TJ says.

“Nothing below the belt or like, above mid-thigh then,” Gina says.

“Don’t hit anyone in the dick, T,” Lauren says.

“Look, accidents happen,” TJ says.

“They better fuckin’ not,” John says.

“Wrestle until one of you gives up, no holding each other’s faces in the jello, no biting or scratching, and no shots to the dick,” Lauren says.

“Say dick again,” TJ says. Lauren laughs.

“Shut up, dick,” she says.

“On three,” Gina says, sipping her drink. “One.”

“Two,” Lauren says.

“Three,” Gina says.

Both men step into the ring. They shove at each other a little bit, testing out how slick the bottom of the pool is while they’re standing. John shoves hard, and TJ slips backward, almost falling. The bottom of the pool would be slick if it were only filled with water, but the jello makes it a thousand times worse.

But if TJ is going to slip and fall, he’s going to take John with him. He lunges forward, grabs hold of John, and fully lets his feet slide out from under him, using his weight to pull John off balance and drag him down. Unfortunately, this ends with John landing on him, and John is fucking _heavy_.

TJ yelps.

“Oh my God,” Lauren says, leaning her head against her hand.

The jello seeps into their shorts, and they roll over a couple of times, and John’s head bounces off the side of the pool and smacks against TJ’s shoulder. They become a mass of jello, muscle, and swearing as they fight to make the other give in.

TJ gets John pinned to the bottom of the pool, half-submerged in the jello, their bodies pressed flush against each other. Both of them are breathing hard. A chunk of jello drips off of TJ’s face and splatters onto John’s.

“Bro,” John says, once he has enough breath to speak. “Are you fucking hard right now?”

“Are _you_?” TJ asks, because they’re equally pressed against each other.

“Don’t fucking talk about it,” John says, but he bucks his hips up and throws TJ off, pinning him to the bottom.

“Then don’t fucking get a hard on wrestling me,” TJ says, squirming and trying to get away. John’s hands slip but he has TJ pretty well pinned.

“Let me win and I’ll let you suck my dick,” John says. TJ drops his head back into the jello with a splat.

“Fuck,” TJ says. “Fine.”

John sits up, throwing his arms up. He flings jello toward the wives, both of whom yell in protest, and Lauren says, “I swear to God, if this stains - “

“The package says it doesn’t stain, I told you!” TJ says, sitting up from the jello and slicking his hair back, flinging it off his fingers.

“Go take a shower, nasty,” Lauren tells him.

TJ and John both climb out of the pool, and Lauren offers them both beach towels that appear to belong to the girls and won’t be hurt if the jello does stain. TJ walks over to her and shakes his head like a dog, making Lauren shriek.

“What did I say about stains! I’m wearing white!” she yells at him. TJ laughs delightedly and sprints toward the house, John hot on his heels.

“He got jello in my drink,” Gina says after a moment, once they’re gone.

Lauren laughs. “Come on,” she says. “I’ll make you another one.”

They’ve each finished a drink and Lauren has made them both another and neither of the men have re-appeared. Lauren pauses, and holds up a finger. There’s a distinctive sound - a sexual sound - and she nods her head.

“I knew that was over too fast,” Gina says. “You owe me fifty bucks.”

“Fuck,” Lauren says, and goes to get her purse.

**Author's Note:**

> on twitter @notedgoon, taking suggestions for terrible things every single day


End file.
